I should have written this post at least 2 weeks ago.
I should have told y'all about Fibre Fiesta and how much fun it was (it went really well for a new show, and I'm pretty sure I'll be back next year.)
I should have updated my shop listings with the leftover stock of new colours -which actually isn't much, because a lot of it went to Julie at Wool on Wheels
I definitely should have done some more dyeing by now!
Should have. Two little words that somehow suck the joy out of doing what you love and turn it into a chore. And I don't want it to be a chore if possible, so I've done none of the above.
I turn 50 in 6 days, and it's freaking me out a bit. I mean. FIFTY. WTF! Half. A. Century. My hearing sucks and I have arthritis in my hands and knees, and I suppose menopause is gonna kick in any time now, and all that makes me wonder what the next 30-odd years are going to be like, and if one day I won't be able to knit/spin/weave, which scares the shit out of me.
Also, I have clinical depression and it's been a very difficult year at work (thanks, restructuring) and my workplace is weird and sad and it makes me feel weird and sad.
TL; DR: I'm not in a great head space just now.
When life gets like this, you have to be kind to yourself. Give yourself a bit of leeway, and permission to put some things aside for a bit. Right now I'm doing some tiny tapestries on tiny tapestry looms, which I'm enjoying, and I hope to branch out into bracelets soon. I've also just balled up 5 skeins of yarn to make Stephen West's Mohairino Medley
because even though I have zero need for any more shawls or scarves they're my favourite thing to knit :)
I have next week off work and will be visiting family for part of it and hopefully enjoying a birthday treat or two, and MAYBE I will even do some dyeing this weekend. I love colour so much and want dyeing to be a joyous experience, and it's not something I can do if I'm not in the right frame of mind. From a business perspective that's a bad thing, but... I don't want to be a business woman, I want to be a textile artist, and artists are allowed to be flaky, right? :D
So that's why my shop is a bit low on stuff and hasn't been updated in a bit. I hope there will be an update before too long, and I hope that this unplanned hiatus isn't going to hurt my business.
I want to leave you with this Twitter thread about depression
because this is what it's like, and attitudes like "just get over it" are not only unhelpful, they can actually kill. So if you're a "get over it" person - read, learn, and keep your opinions to yourself. if you're a fellow member of the club, well, HUGS to you. We can do this, we can keep going, and tallking helps :)
PS I took the photo at the top last week while walking to the bus at 6.30am, and I don't quite know why, but I think it's one of the best photos I've ever taken :)